Get Your Kids to Do Their Homework

Parents around the world would love the magic formula to encourage kids to do their homework! Alas, it’s not as simple as waving a wand, but there are some methods for encouraging your kids to develop and stick to a regular homework routine. For some parents, effective encouragement to get your kids to do their homework will also be about changing 

your own approaches to homework enforcement but it’s not hard, it’s just about taking a moment to work it through. Try these steps to help your kids complete their homework and do great in school.

 

Understand the benefits of homework. If you’re not convinced that homework matters, it will be even harder to convince your kids. There are some good reasons behind a moderate amount of homework:

 

• Homework reinforces learning taught during the day. Some learning won’t stick as well unless kids give it more practice and the classroom environment isn’t necessarily going to provide adequate time for more practice. This is of special importance formath and critical thinking skills.^[1]
  


• Sometimes homework teaches additional skills not taught at school due to lack of time or resources. This is a “broadening” learning effect of homework.^[2]
  


• Homework instills self-discipline, teaching time management, organizational skills, concentration skills, and self-responsibility.^[3] Self-discipline is a key life skill that can only be learned in the doing.

Make peace with the reality that most kids don’t like doing homework. When there are many other infinitely more interesting things happening, especially in our electronic gadget age, it’s hard to make homework appealing, so stop trying. As a parent, guardian, or other person responsible for getting kids to do homework, acceptance isn’t about agreement with them. It’s about understanding and infusing the rest of your approach with that understanding, while remaining prepared to set the boundaries and stand by your expectations that they will do it.

of each term or semester, sit down and talk about how your kid intends to handle homework in the coming months. In this way, you set mutually shared ground rules for getting homework done, ground rules that you can call on to remind them when they’re slipping, or to praise them for when they’re meeting them.

• Empower your kids. Rather than setting the time for homework, have a family meeting to discuss possible times. Let the kids feel they’re somewhat in charge by giving them the choice of when to do their homework—before dinner, after dinner, or half before and half after. The only rider on this is to refuse to allow homework to be left until just before bedtime – set an agreed cut-off point by which time homework must be completed; this can be sweetened by making allowance for fun reading time, or other enjoyable wind-down activity prior to bedtime. And you can help by keeping the evening mealtime as regular as possible.
  


• Find out if there are specific areas of homework they’re having difficulties with. Ask them if they would like to consider having more hands-on help with those issues (you, a sibling, or a tutor, for example). Sometimes homework isn’t working because they’re struggling with it in class, as well as, out of class.
  


• Help your child figure out what is hard homework and what is easy homework. Having your child do the hard work first will mean he is most alert when facing the biggest challenges. The easier material will seem to go faster once fatigue begins to set in.
  


• Agree on homework free times, such as parts of the weekend, or Friday nights, etc., and allow them to plan how they use this free time.

When Children Make Mistakes

I am usually well aware when I make a mistake. The last thing I want is to have someone making a big deal about what I have done wrong. It would be frustrating if every time I messed up, someone was there to point it out.

Now, think about our children. They make mistakes. Are we constantly pointing them out? Do we constantly bring up their past mistakes? Do we confuse teaching them and raising them with nagging them about the mistakes they make?

Mistakes are part of life. Not only have we all made mistakes, but we will make more. The important part about mistakes, is to learn from them.

Learning from our mistakes is a vital part of growing up. In fact, research shows us that kids learn more from making mistakes, then taking the easy route and getting everything correct all the time.

We should keep the following in mind when it comes to our kids and their “learning adventures” (aka, mistakes).

• First, evaluate ourselves. Are we setting a good example?

How do we handle our own mistakes. Do we swear, sulk, or yell?  Do we blame our mistakes on everyone else? Always remember that kids will do, for the most part, what their parents do. We are teaching them by example. What type of example are we setting?

• Have a sense of humor. Laughter is good medicine.

Mistakes are a part of life. We need to be patient and understanding with our children. We are here to help teach them so that they will want to make good choices. When mistakes happen, we are here to help them understand and work through the bad choice. These are life skills that when learned young, will help them forever.

• Be patient, show love. Don’t sigh and scoff.

These are our children. We love them. They are learning and growing and trying to do their best. They are people with feelings and ideas, and concerns and worries, just like us. Remember we were kids once too. When our 2 year old spills her cereal for the third time in one morning, scoffing and sighing and complaining about the mistake will only hurt your relationship with your child. Laugh, clean up, and move on. Never use the mistake to make your child feel bad because you had to exert effort to clean up the mess.

• Don’t expect perfection, or imply that you expect perfection. Praise effort.

Don’t set low expectations. Instead, recognize that no one is perfect and we want our kids to do the best that they can. We don’t want our children to be afraid of making mistakes. When kids are afraid of making mistakes, it keeps them from trying at all. It can also lead them to keep secrets from us and hurt our communication with them. They won’t communicate with us honestly because they will be afraid of getting in trouble. Expecting perfection is not realistic. We are not perfect. What makes us think we can put that type of pressure on our children.

• Regardless of the mistakes, your LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. Never withhold affection or a hug.

Never, ever, EVER, withhold love because your child has made a mistake. Our love is unconditional, regardless of the mistake or mishap. Fewer mistakes does not mean we show more love, and children should never feel they have to earn our love. SO… when your child messes up and then runs to you for a hug, don’t push them away.

• Don’t rescue children from their mistakes. Help kids focus on the solution. Re-focus.

Don’t pretend the mistakes are fake, or didn’t happen. They did. Instead, understand that mistakes can help us grow and make us better.  As parents it is not our job to rescue them when they make a mistake, but instead to help them focus on a solution to the problem so they can avoid making the same mistake again. This also means that we acknowledge that OUR kids mess up, and refrain from blaming everyone else.

• Encourage kids to take responsibility. Don’t blame others.

It is important to teach our children to take responsibility for the things they do wrong. We don’t want them to grow up blaming everything on “us” or “them”.

• Did you ever make a mistake, do share, with your kids. What happened. What did you learn? Let them know you can relate and understand.

We are not suggesting unloading all of our mistakes on our kids. There are plenty of things we need to keep to ourselves. But…where appropriate (use good judgement), use personal examples to teach our children. Focus on what you learned and how you felt. Talk about the consequences. Our children will feel like we really do understand what they are going through, because we have been there ourselves. It is easy for children to see their parents as perfect and themselves as imperfect. Perfection is tricky. It is impossible to live up to because it is not possible.

• Uphold the consequences. Don’t give in.

Most mistakes have natural consequences. (If you don’t study for a test,  you will most likely get a bad grade.) Then there are mistakes where we as parents will have to enforce a consequence and follow through. Make sure the consequence is fair and follow through.

• Avoid pointing out their past mistakes. Stay in the moment.

Part of our job as parents is NOT to continually point out what our kids have done wrong. We can usually let the past, be in the past. If we continually bring up past mistakes, our kids will never feel like they can get out from under what they have done wrong, and it can begin to define them. We don’t want that. Think about it, why would our kids want to do better if they think we will just point out the mistakes they have made in the past?

• Praise them for the courage to admit their mistakes. Thank them.

We want our children to feel comfortable telling us when they have made a mistake, and admit if they have done wrong. Thank them for being honest and admitting when they have done something wrong.

• Teach children what to do when they make a mistake. How to right the wrong?

Do they need to apologize, clean up, fix, or replace. Teaching kids what to do when they do wrong will give them the tools they need to handle future mistakes. There is a difference here between forcing, encouraging, and teaching.

• Help them find the positive. Is there a lesson to learn?

10 Ways To Show Your Children You

Give your children the ultimate Valentine this year. Here are 10 ways to show your children how much you love them long after the hearts and candy are gone.

Spend time with them.

Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Spending quality one on one time with our children make them feel much more loved than candy hearts and lollipops. This Valentines Day, give your children a real gift, by committing to spend 15 minutes a day with each of them. Your time together should be technology free and uninterrupted. Let your child choose what they want to do. What ever they choose, get involved and be in the moment. Look into their eyes, take note of the way their hair falls on their forehead. Marvel at their laugh and drink in their spirit.

Commit to Family Rituals.

Rituals provide children with predictability, connection, a sense of identity, and give you an opportunity to teach them values. Not to mention, rituals build memories and life long bonds. Work to put meaning into the everyday activities. Do something together every Saturday morning, even if it is yard work. Eat family dinner, go for walks on Sunday afternoons, read stories together every night before bed. Incorporate rituals into your daily lives.

Don’t hold grudges.

It is easy to let the temper tantrums and back talk start to build up. Without even knowing it, we hold the behavior against our children and enter the next situation, already irritated with them. Don’t. Let it go and start fresh each and every minute. And, don’t ever withhold affection as a punishment.

Share yourself with your children.

Can you juggle, make funny faces, do a cartwheel? Show your kids. Let them get to know you. They will LOVE you for it. Let them see you are fun, and normal, and exciting. Tell them stories about growing up. Share yourself with them. It will help you remember who you are too.

Encourage them often.

We can be quick to offer praise when our children do something good. Instead of praise, offer encouragement, wether they do well or not. Give them specific feedback about the effort and skill they demonstrate. Be sure you encourage even when they don’t succeed. Talk about the effort, more than the outcome.

Tell them “I love you” and give them hugs and kisses every day.

No exceptions. And not just at bed time, or when they do something good. Even if it has been one of “those” days. Hug them anyway, love them anyway and tell them you love them. They will thrive on the affection and reassurance. It feels good when people tell us we are loved. It is the same for children. They need to hear it often.

Don’t multitask.

Put everything away. Stop doing the laundry, don’t text on the phone when they are trying to tell you a story, and get down to their level. Really, really listen. You will hear so much more than their words.

Say YES.

Do they want ice cream for breakfast? Once in a while that’s okay. Do they want to play a little longer. That’s okay too. It’s okay to bend the rules every now and again and say YES. Children can easily feel like all we do is say No. Change things up and try to say yes to as much as you can. If you have to say no, rephrase the answer, suggesting what they can do, or can have, instead of what they can’t.

Be at the crossroads.

If possible, be at the crossroads of their day. When they leave for school, when they come home from school, as they come and go between activities. This can’t always be the case for every household. But whenever possible be available during these times. Be available to chat, and encourage your children as you send them out the door. Be a loving and friendly face to receive them when they walk back in the door. Be their cheerleader as they tackle the world. Pompoms optional.

See your children as people, not objects.

Instead of seeing your children as objects or road blocks that get in the way of what you want and need to do, like the dishes, or making a phone call, see them as people. While in the middle of dishes, it is easy to feel like your 5 year old’s request to play Candy Land is a burden. But stop for a minute and look at things from your child’s perspective. She has hopes and dreams and fears just like you do. Our kids don’t understand what it is like to be a mom and/or wife, as well as all the other hats we wear. If you take a minute and look at things from their perspective, your heart will be softened and we will start to really SEE the little/or big person who is standing in front of us.

Give your children the real gift of love, give them more of you! Happy Valentines Day.